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Weight Loss Program



A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.



The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..



She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."



Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5kg as promised.



He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10kg program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me".



Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.



Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10kg as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/25kg program.



"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."



The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you are mine."



He lost 33 kilos that week.

Steve, Bob, and Jeff were working on a very high scaffolding one day when suddenly, Steve falls off and is killed instantly. After the ambulance leaves with Steve’s body, Bob and Jeff realize that one of them is going to have to tell Steve’s wife.



Bob says he’s good at this sort of sensitive stuff, so he volunteers to do the job. After two hours he returns, carrying a six-pack of beer.



“So did you tell her?” asks Jeff.



“Yep”, replied Bob.



“Say, where did you get the six-pack?”



Bob informs Jeff, “She gave it to me!”



“What??” exclaims Jeff, “you just told her her husband died and she gave you a six-pack??”



“Sure,” Bob says.



“Why?” asks Jeff.



“Well,” Bob continues, “when she answered the door, I asked her, ‘Are you Steve’s widow?”Widow?’, she said, ‘no, no, you’re mistaken, I’m not a widow!’



So I said, “I’ll bet you a six-pack you ARE!’

COMMENTS

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BLOODLIFE
16:54 Mar 22 2014

lol, yea but why Steve? :-(

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dabbler
06:28 Mar 23 2014

Because Steve's wife was perfect for the joke, besides Steve was a new worker so that's why he fell.

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Mr. Ganesh Subramaniyam from Thiruvananthapuram Kerala, India, made a smallest gold code lock with a height of 3mm, a circumference of 1cm, and a weight of 41 mg. The code lock contains 3 lines of code number from 0 to 9. It sets the world record granted by the world Record Association for being the smallest gold code lock in the world.

Jobs that are safe from outsourcing.



Unicorn Wrangler



Perpetual Motion Device Assembler



Time Machine Repair Technician

If the last one didn't leave you feeling violated, this one will.


Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

The honest intent of this post is to offend people who think themselves thick skinned...




Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

“Sex is interesting, but it's not totally important. I mean it's not even as important (physically) as excretion. A man can go seventy years without a piece of ass, but he can die in a week without a bowel movement.”



Charles Bukowski

“We live in a world where lemonade is made from artificial flavoring and furniture polish is made from real lemons.”

― MAD Magazine

Must see, so breath taking, this is how you win a talent contest. This is especially notable because of the activity in the Ukraine right now.

COMMENTS

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Isis101
22:44 Mar 02 2014

WOW!!!

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